Today I just don’t really want to write.
I feel like it won’t be good enough.
Today I’m not good enough for this.
How many times a day do we tell ourselves this?
I’ve had to give myself ‘the talk’ *, put the timer on my phone just to force myself to sit down and write. My tired brain hurts and doesn’t feel capable of much. So this is when I put on my rocket pack and just get the f*&k on with it. Today it is fuelled by a delightful mix of sugar, butter, cocoa powder and other items which have ultimately ended up as the cake pictured. You will also notice that it is also accompanied by a slightly substandard but heavily caffeinated latte.
Because you see, I need to write and I am supposed to write because I’m supposed to be a writer.
But listen to that language… I do make things hard for myself.
There’s no real joy in writing today.
Why am I so overwhelmed by a fairytale notion that every time I write it will be perfect?
And what does that even mean anyway?
Note the use of further rhetorical questions as I procrastinate and meander slowly towards some kind of message, some kind of lesson.
So I’m not enjoying writing as much as usual. I had a bad sleep so I’m tired and grouchy. But in the back of my mind, I know that I have enough evidence from previous days in my life to know that:
It’s just today and that I just need to get on with it.
Dig deep, find your rocket pack and get it done.
It doesn’t have to be coffee and cake (that just seems to work for me). Even if what I write feels crap, at least I did it.
Today: this is my perfect.
After all, I said this was a reassuringly ordinary self-help blog.
*This is where I go all ‘third person’ on myself and start talking as if I’m the character in my book and I start saying things like…’Sarah knew she could do it, she just needed a push. She knew she’d feel better after…’ Anyone else do this? Thought not.
How to breathe in and out 